By: Bazinga
Radio Mogadishu
South Africa seemed very interested in the topic on the situation in Afghanistan…
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Fox News Channel - The Lighter Side of...
VIUMUN 2011: The most ridiculous quotes
By: Sara Boulet
United Kingdom- Security Council
”We made Al Shabab go boom.”
“France didn’t even show up, jerks…”
“People attacking the Russian Peace Corps are worse than terrorists.”
“The United Kingdom personally thinks that South Africa and Russia are sore since they didn’t get to participate in the raid.”
“We apologize for stopping a nuclear explosion.”
(This was stated with the USA Security Council member)
Somalia
“We think that’s way better than having some nukes go off.”
The United States of America-Security Council
“After the statements made by South Africa and Russia, the United States of America feels that they must support terrorist groups possessing nuclear arms.”
“We have all these rockets and don’t know what to do with them.”
Brazil-Security Council
“Why are you in the United Nations if you are acting on your own?”
Afghanistan- WHO
“Silence, I kill you!”
“You don’t bomb Allah, Allah bomb you.
Afghanistan- General Assembly
“Shove it in ya mouth.”
“Oh my Allah! I bomb you. You disagree I bomb you!”
Fox News Channel
Successful Raid on Terrorism or Act of War?
February 27th, 2011. 12:53PM PST
By: Sara Boulet
Fox News Channel
This morning’s Security Council meeting was filled with controversy and accusations after the news of a raid made by the United States of America and the United Kingdom in Somalia where they recovered the two missing nuclear arms. The Security Council brought in all the delegates from Somalia and had a short questions and answers period, to help learn more information about what Somalia would like to see happening in the future.
The Somalian delegates pointed out the recent invasion by Uganda, and that it didn’t go well. It seemed like the delegates were trying to warn off the United Nations when one of them stated: “Somalia is prepared to fight back.” While Somalia is quite understandably frustrated by the actions of the United Kingdom and the United States of America, they seem to understand that this was not meant as a hostile invasion like the South African delegate and the Russian delegate have claimed.
Somalia stated: “We think that’s way better than having some nukes go off.”
After the Somalis left accusations flew, with both South Africa and Russia stating several times that this raid was a “hostile attack” and an “act of war”. The delegate from Brazil asked the United Kingdom and the United States of America: “Why are you in the United Nations if you are acting on your own?”
The delegate from the United Kingdom tried several times to remind the Security Council that the raid was a “strategic attack on Al Shabab” and not an attack on Somalia. He pointed out that no civilians were hurt and that as soon as it was over they pulled out completely. He made it clear that this was not an invasion but an important, and successful, mission to recover nuclear arms from a terrorist group.
The United States of America feels that the personal attacks were out of order and not necessary; and that they were also very hypocritical coming from Russia, making a reference to the conflict between Russia and Georgia a few years ago. When asked about that conflict the Russian delegate stated that the situation in Georgia was totally different and not at all relevant; the delegate seemed very uneasy about the fact that the events in Georgia had even been brought up.
The delegate from South Africa wanted to make it known “there would’ve been no delay of action if they had decided to inform Somalia and the rest of the Security Council.” When asked if he recognized that informing the Somali Transitional Federal Government could pose some risk of the terrorist group learning about the raid, he stated that protocol should still have been followed, even if that could have meant the terrorists might have kept the nuclear arms. He called this the “…curse of bureaucracy.”
The United Kingdom “personally thinks that South Africa and Russia are sore since they didn’t get to participate in the raid.” The United States and America and the United Kingdom told the rest of the Security Council: “We apologize for stopping a nuclear explosion.” The United States of America also said later on: “After the statements made by South Africa and Russia, the United States of America feels that they must support terrorist groups possessing nuclear arms.”
ITAR - TASS
Conflict in the Summit
International Telegraph Agency of Russia
By: Keeley Campbell
February 27, 12:16 pm PST
While much speculation has been expectantly occurring in the General Assembly and the Security Council, there was a distinct feeling of resentment seeping under the door of the Summit on Indigenous people. After 3 days the Russian Federation is disappointed about the delegates of the IIED and France, because of the fact that the delegates from the IIED and France don’t seem to listen to the delegate from china and are mainly focusing on insulting and questioning Chinese politics.
The Russian Federation wanted to remind the delegates of this summit one more time that because of the fact that China does not have indigenous people, none of the ridiculous propositions of the IIED, France and the Lebanon creed about China, even if they would be true, have anything to do with our topic, nor with indigenous people. Therefore they have no meaning for this summit and the delegates of France and the IIED are not doing anything and haven’t done anything except for wasting time of this summit. Russia begs, in particular the delegates from the IIED and France, to stop constraining the honorable delegates from China and Russia from finding/coming up with constructable, effective solutions and finally focus on the interests of indigenous peoples and not only on their own.
We also please the delegates from France and the IIED to finally come up with some solutions that are in the interest of indigenous people, if that shouldn’t happen the Russian federation will ask France and the iied to send more qualified delegates that are supporting the interests of indigenous peoples. “The pent of feelings were not only on behalf of the Russian Federation delegate, there was a mutual feeling being exemplified from the Chinese delegate. “
The IIED from Somalia asked the Russian Federation and China what they have done for their indigenous peoples, now the Russian federation would like to know what the IIED has done for the Somalia indigenous people.
According to Russia information’s the IIED is still "observing" the situation in Somalia, which in turn means little action has been done and little will be.
China supported the Russian Federation delegate by saying “China feels that the states have more power and should be recognized as such.” Also saying “China reluctantly presents that further criticism on the matter that they can’t reluctantly affect. They should instead consider utilizing their ability as citizens (most in developing countries) to devise tangible alternatives to the situations.”
The France and IIED delegate were not impressed with such statements and France used this reporters time to inform her that “(This) waste(s) time with personal problems,” and that this “(is) immature seeing the fact there is little time left.”
It is inconclusive to say if these “personal problems” were resolved but never the less, as always the Russian Federation delegate isn’t going down without a fight.
ITAR - TASS
Ignorance in Security Council
By: Keeley Campbell
International Telegraph Agency of Russia
February 27, 2011. 12:24PM PST
The information divulged in the Security Council was both appalling and egotistical. The committee started out by inviting the Somalia delegates on their own incentives to join the Security Council for further questions. The questioning themselves was a poor man’s Tarantino of trying to force questions out of an already fragile country. It was obvious that the US and the UK had a predetermined mindset that ended up dropping a bomb with the equal effect of the nuclear warhead they confiscated. The rest of the Security Council was left in the dust on the “Act of War” performed by the US and the UK. The Russian Federation delegate acted quickly on this matter “Point(ing) out that this didn’t require a resolution and the rest of the council could have been informed.”
When asked how the Russian Federation felt about this “bomb dropping.” He definitely had something to say, “Joke, completely defeats the actions of the UN. Russian Federation would like to see an accepted committee motion for this interest.”
When the South African delegate pointed out that “This is an act of war,” The UK delegate responded by swiftly staying “We can vote without you, we don’t need their vote.” Something expected from the US delegate but he seemed to have finally run out of politically incorrect things to say.
The reaction from this turn of events rippled through the Security Council, surprising each and every delegate. “South Africa is outraged at the Candor and inhumanity of the UK and the US raid on the Somali soil without the consent of the security council or the Somali Government. This constitutes an act of war and violates countless UN charters and resolutions as well as international law. UK then started that South Africa and Russia were merely “Hurt because they were not involved.” To claim such is astounding arrogance only compounded by their previous actions.
This course of action is in directly violation of many articles of the UN Charter on Security, making this an inadequate move on the UK and the US’s part. A crime against peace, in international law, refers to:
"planning, preparation, initiation, or waging of wars of aggression, or a war in violation of international treaties, agreements or assurances, or participation in a common plan or conspiracy for the accomplishment of any of the foregoing" [1]. This definition of crimes against peace was first incorporated into the Nuremberg Principles and later included in the United Nations Charter. This definition would play a part in defining aggression as a crime against peace.”
The other delegates were open to state that the UK and the US were out of line to act on such an issue without further contact with either the Security Council or the Somali delegates themselves.
The delegate of Brazil questioned the intentions of the US and UK when he asked “Why are you in the UN of you act alone?” Then later when on record further questioned both delegates “Why agree to participate in such a great experience as the UN, if some are coming to act and make decisions without consulting the committee they’re in?”
This issue has yet to be resolved and with the UN and with the US and the UK writing the papers for the rest of the delegates it is unclear if this will ever be resolved. This reporter questions if the UK and the US realize that the Russian Federation has veto power and is not afraid to do so.
Press Release by IIED
The NGO: International Institute for Environment's Development (IIED - Somalia) along with NGO: Lubicon Cree (Canada) along with other NGO's on the Summit are personally insulted and astounded at the neglect of the International Press. As a non-government organization we have strong opinions just like every country involve in the MUN. We present solutions and bring important matters to the fellow delegates that government states overlook.
Weekly World News
SOMALIA SAVES BABIES FROM ZOMBIE HITLER
February 27, 2011. 12:09PM PST
By: The Ghost of Winston Churchill
Weekly World News: The World’s Only Reliable News Source
Groundbreaking events happened in Somalia today as the Somali’s rescued babies from the terrible clutches of terrorist group Al-Shabaab. It has been confirmed that Al-Shabaab kidnapped approximately 300 babies in an attempt to train them for combat against the Transitional Federal Government. The leader of this evil plan was Adolf Hitler, brought back to life by the Al-Shabaab terrorists.
The TFG reports that Al-Shabaab had been secretly training members in dark magical practices in order to raise Hitler from the grave. These Al-Shabaab members were successful in bringing Hitler back from the dead, but with a small complication. Somali’s reported in terror that Adolf Hitler seemed to be a zombie. Citizens who saw Hitler have given detailed information on his appearance, and we believe him to have looked something like this:
As Hitler was assembling the babies in secret headquarters, angry Somali’s burst into the building and opened fire. Members of the Al-Shabaab fled the area, and their whereabouts are unknown. Zombie Hitler and a few wounded Al-Shabaab members were taken into custody of the Somali’s, where they were interrogated about their intentions. The TFG showed up to investigate, and found that zombie Hitler could give no translatable information as he was indeed, a zombie. Zombie Hitler was executed with a shot to the head, and the crisis was over. Thanks to the brave Somali people, the babies have been returned to their worried families.
This crisis has showed the world that the Somali people can overcome their hardships
and act as heroes. Hopefully they can use this incident to realize their power of good intentions, and bring the Al-Shabaab reign to a permanent end.
PAN
Delegates Work Hard Towards a Resolution on the Human Rights Council
February 27, 2011. 12:02PM PST
By: Kira Winn
Pajhwok Afghan News
February 27, 2011. 12:02PM PST
By: Kira Winn
Pajhwok Afghan News
Things appear to be going smoothly today in the Human Rights Council as they work on their draft resolution dealing with woman’s rights to education in Afghanistan. All of the delegates present seem to agree that this is an issue that needs to be looked into and dealt with, and they have come up with what they feel are some good first steps.
As Islamic beliefs dictate that woman shouldn’t be seen by men, and this is one of the main issues of girls being educated, the implementation of schools segregated by gender seems to be a solution for this. If the only people in the school were girls, being taught by female teachers, then men wouldn’t have to see or interact with the woman as they were being educated. Out of fear that these complexes might be targeted by the Taliban security would patrol the area in order to protect the woman there but they would not be able to see them. Busses, if possible, would be provided to transport the girls as many attacks on them occur as they are walking to or from school. This would also allow people who live far away from the school a way to get there. The delegates are also supporting home schooling, which has proven effective in areas overrun by the Taliban before.
In Afghanistan’s constitution, it states that education should be free, so furthering awareness and exercise of this fact is being focused on as well. Afghanistan also supports woman’s human rights, which state that no woman should be forced to marry, and does not support arranged marriages, which are one of the top reasons that woman in Afghanistan are unable to get an education. They are talking about the creation of safe houses and programs for woman who are forced into arranged marriages and don’t want to be there.
The various countries’ fear of being targeted by the Taliban for providing aid increased dramatically after the Wikileaks article yesterday implying that the Taliban might be in possession of nuclear capsules, so they have agreed to forestall the implementation of these measures until after the threat of a potentially nuclear-armed Taliban is dealt with.
ANNCOL
February 27, 2011. 11:51AM PST
By: Alice in Wonderland
Anncol – New Colombia News Agency
Security Council doesn’t appear to be very united today when news about the United States and the United Kingdom going into Somalia with armed troops to remove nuclear weapons surfaced. This was done without informing Somalia, or any other Security Council members. Russia made clear to the committee that the U.S. and the U.K. did not need to pass a resolution to go into Somalia, and could still manage to remove the nuclear weapons without letting Somalia and the Security Council know what they were planning. Brazil stated what was on everyone’s mind with saying, “What is the point of the United Nations if we don’t act as a whole?” India clearly feeling that the conversation has gone on far enough about the U.S. and the U.K. actions was trying to turn the conversation back to the problems in Somalia.
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